Harry Potter and the Miraculous Stork
by Truth Blocker
Summary: Harry Potter, Hermione and Malfoy get a visit from their friendly, neighborhood stork. Can Harry, Hermione, and Malfoy take care of their own baby all by themselves? What impact do the babies have on the Hogwarts students? See how everything turns out!
1. Chapter 1

Harry Potter and the Stork

Chapter One

One day, Harry was sitting in his House, watching the fire burn out, when he heard a loud crashing that sounded just like glass.

Apparently, the sound came from his room.

So he ran up and found that sitting on his bed was Ron, with a piece of glass in his eye, shouting, "The buggers got me!" Sitting next to him was a stork, with twins inside its basket.

They were both boys.

So Harry pulled them out, and named them Alex and Armando.

He then consulted with Ms. McGonagal and was given the responsibility of taking them to class and fathering them every day.

Ron, sadly, was killed in action 3 minutes later from jumping out of the window.

Hermione was given a girl, which she nursed every day in class.

This was a new invention of the U.S. Army………

(Find out more in a minimum of 10 days)


	2. Chapter 2

Harry Potter and the Stork 

Chapter 2

So after Ron was killed with suicide, Hermione began her "Work" in class.

Harry had to run to the Leaky Cauldron every five minutes to get milk for his babies. (Sometimes Hermione "pitched in")

Life returned to normal until Malfoy got a baby.

The baby had spiked hair, green teeth, and pink eye. The baby not only made 10 people lose their lives, but made 8000 people sick.

The baby was also put into a coma by Malfoy more than 5 times with Malfoy's shovel.

It was the center of attention always.

Harry, hurt by losing his fame and gain, hit himself with a taradactle after he grew a beard.

But for Hermione, the worst was yet to come.

In the years following, Hermione's baby, Alexandria, would be pitted in battle against Malfoy's baby, Bob, who would kill himself...

The US army experiment was to see how 14 year olds could deal with the joy/terror of having a baby.

(there is still more to come)


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I DEFINATLY don't own HP stories. 

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Harry Potter and the Stork

Chapter 3

Harry started out that day with talking to Alex.

"It's going to be all right! (secretly, it wasn't) Daddy's here for you!" Then he broke down into uncontrollable sobs.

"Hail Mary! Please fix my baby so he won't have the bird flu!!!" He started to feel weak as he fell down the steps.

"Ow! Oh, please stop it! They're sharp!!!!!!!!!"

When he got down from his dorm, he happened to run into Hermione.

"Hermy, what do I do if my baby has cough bird cough flu?!"

Hermione, looking surprised and shocked, replied "I'm sorry Hair, you have to take him skydiving to completly heal him."

Harry cried into her arms. Then Malfoy broke into Gryffindor's picture. "Alright, everyone on your hands and knees!"

(Malfoy had 3 AK-47's: 2 with him and 1 with his baby)

Still feeling down about skydiving, Harry popped up from behind the sofa and yelled "Shoot me Mally!!" Right before Malfoy shot Harry, Harry collapsed from bird flu,

with blood spurting from his nose. "I cand fel mi body anymore!" Then SWAT came into the picture and ended it with Malfoy.

"Put your hands above your head! Drop your weapon! Down on the floor, Malfoy!" The SWAT leader then said to his buddy, "Radio that fat lady and say 'Thanks for the call'."

The fat lady was the dead picture. It had called the police with its intricate, state-of-the-art technology inside.

SWAT wasted no time in disposing with Malfoy. They had a quick headshot. So now Malfoy and Ron are dead.

Back to Harry. "OMG, I think I'm dying! What do I do now? Do I see a flashback of my life or pray first?"

Hermione replied "I think you pray first, but that's only if Dumbyhead comes in. If not, no Heaven for you!"

Harry started crying, but then fell unconscious. Hermione took Harry to her dorm and laid Harry on her bed.

Then she opened the window and went and got Alex. (by the way, Armando is with Uncle Sirius)

In the middle of the 2 dorms, Hermione started feeling weird. "OMG, it's the bird flu!" "Here you go, Alex."

Putting Alex onto the sofa, she ran into the prefect's bathroom and grabbed a box that said, 'CONTAMINATION ONLY'.

(review to find out later)


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I DEFINATLY don't own this Harry Potter!! J.K. Rowling does, and she does a great job!

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Harry Potter and the Stork

Chapter 4

The box held gloves, Tamiflu, the vaccine and antidote for Avian Bird flu, and some strange box that made a constant beeping noise. Hermione paid no attention at all to it. She swallowed the antidote for the virus, and became instantly well. She then put on the gas mask that I forgot to mention. Dumbledore then came into the prefect's bathroom. "So, how's it ... Why do you have a gas mask on your face?" Hermione then told Dumbledore, "Dumby BORE, you don't really realize that a strain of Avian Bird flu is spreading through Gryffindor Dormitory, do you?!" Dumbledore then expelled Hermione. He then evacuated the premises, except for Gryffindor House. Then he called the British Air Force and said, "The terrorists are located at Hogwarts School." Then he hung up. So 5 British bombers went towards Hogwarts and started their bombing run. Meanwhile, Harry, Hermione, and Alex were in their empty castle along with the SWAT team fighting the Bird flu. "I got a sick SWAT guy over here! OK, fix him up! Crap, I hear noise! It's probably the train coming with the next semester of kids. But what's with the high pitched 'eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww'? IT'S A BOMB! Runnnnnnnnnnnnn!" Alex, "safe and sound" on the sofa, started crying. It was the last sound that Harry heard from his baby. The section that Harry and the others used to be in was blown away by one bomb, taking Alex and a SWAT guy with it. They were coming around to bomb again. "They're going to doze the whole place! We only have 4 SWAT people left and you and me! I know. Let's cry and kiss. OK!" So Harry and Hermione went out to the Womping Willow, avoided its branches, and started crying, sobbing, and hugging each other. Then they started to kiss. "Oh Harry, you're better than I imagined!" He stared at her. "You've liked me?" Hermione said, "Yes. I've loved you since I first met you." Then Hermione remembered that Harry still had bird flu and that the effects of Tamiflu were starting to wear off. "Hey Hair, I'm going to peek outside and see how much of the castle they've destroyed." He replied, "OK sweety, see you in a minute." Hermione then ran outside, found out that the castle had been razed, and used the pay phone conviently located next to the Womping Willow to call Dumbledore. "Dumby, I want you to pick me up. OK honey." (She was his daughter) So a helicopter with missiles came and picked her up. Then Harry, confused with all the noise, came out and yelled at the helicopter. "Oh, mercy me! Save me! I didn't want to cause you any harm!" The Womping Willow hit Harry and broke his arm. "OOOOOOHHHHHH My ARM!!" The helicopter backed up, took aim, and fired a flurry of machine gun and missiles at Harry. The tree fell down on top of Harry, killing him instantly. Hermione, inside of the helicopter, said "Thank you so much for picking me up. I swear, that within the next five minutes, he was going to rape me!" Let's slow down for a little bit. Harry, Ron, 1 SWAT guy, and Alex, Harry's baby, are dead. Let's switch over to the SWAT team. (over in the forest) "OK, guys, we were just in a magic school that got blown up, and a wizard's son is DEAD. We should've gotten him! That is our duty! Except for Bob dying. That was tragic. Wait a minute, I hear a noise. It sounds like beeping...

Review to find out what happens!


	5. Chapter 5

Harry Potter and the Stork

Chapter 5

It turns out that the beeping noise had come from the box that was marked "CONTAMINATION ONLY." Unfortunately for the SWAT team, it was a suicide bomb-meant for the people who didn't have enough time left.

**_BOOM!!_**


	6. Chapter 6

Harry Potter and the Miraculous Stork

Chapter 6: 1989

OK. Let's review. In the last chapter, (most likely sentence) the SWAT team was killed after the suicide bomb blew up. So now Hermione, who can't find her baby anymore, is the only school kid left. Pretty much all of the teachers are alive since they evacuated with Dumbledore. All right. Back to the story.

"DADDY!!!" Hermione shrieked.

"What, sweet pumpkin face?" Dumbledore sweetly asked with sympathy.

"I just did a pregnancy test-and it appears that the stupid Harry penetrated more than my heartbroken spirit! I have about 8 and a half months left before it's born." Hermione looked very sad and worried at this remark.

"$#&?#! That boy knew better! I thought I taught him that in the class 'Dating Girls for Dummies'. He had NO idea how to date you, much less anyone else." Dumbledore was so perturbed by this that he went into the deadly storage room closet - filled with "Most Wanted" pictures of Harry - and Dumbledore's wife. But anyway, he grabbed the shotgun from the gun rack which was filled with rifles, automatic machine guns, a stun gun, and several tranqulizers. He took the biggest shotgun, loaded it, and got ready to shoot Hermione. But then a baby's cry pierced the air.

"WAHHHHAHHHHHH!" The baby made such a ruckus that instead of shooting Hermione, he turned the gun on himself and pulled the trigger. The boom made Armando, Hermione's baby - found at a local Mexican bar, stop crying, and made Hermione start. She rushed into the closet, and...

"OMIGO!" She then turned to throw up, but instead found Armando - right in her shooting path. He got covered, and they both cried for exactly 3 hours. Then she turned around, saw Dumbledore's head in three pieces and being ravaged by flies, threw up down her shirt. She called the police, and said:

"IT WAS HARRY POTTER! He arranged for Dumbledore to have a booby trap when he came home! Then he tried to rape me! But now he's dead (sneaky laugh)! I'm so happy. Anyway, can you remove his body? I'm getting tired of throwing up every time I see his blood getting AIDS. OVER. And over. And OVER! It makes me want to...blalaaaaa (throws up). DANGIT. There I go again! Anyway, just get over here!" And she promptly hung up the phone, took a shower, "displayed herself" to Armando, and got in Dumbledore's helicopter.

"Goodbye, house! I'm going to Africa!" And she shot the police cars with the machine gun feature! And she got shot at by the National Guard! But finally, she was over the sea, and she got a boat, paddles, and parachutes ready. She and Armando then jumped into the ocean - right in between Africa and the US. During the trip, let's just say that she and her son shared some "tender moments".

When they got to Africa, they unloaded themselves from the boat, Hermione now 20, Armando now 4. And the new baby, now 2. She named her when she had drank too much of the ocean water, so she called it Fresh Water. Fresh Water was a tough little girl, and had survived all of the elements, even seeing Armando and Hermione get it on. Hermione decided to set up camp right in the middle of the Sahara, with a little tribe of Africans and a few whites. When she got there, she was made a slave. Armando became the Lieutenant Senior Doctor and Military Chief, and Fresh Water became his intern.

_**16 YEARS LATER: 2005**_

Hermione, fresh out of reasons to not let Armando get it on with Fresh Water, decided to tell her immediately to let her get out of there. But no, a group of Armando's Military stopped her, questioned her, and suddenly shot her in the chest. She was repelled back by the force, and Armando whipped out his silver RAZR, and called the ambulance. The ambulance came to pick her up. They got her in the makeshift ER, took the bullet out, and calmed her, but she ended up dying of shock, sadness, and AIDS. The entire city - a population of 6 million, came out to her funeral. Unfortunately for Fresh Water, Hermione had left no will, so Armando claimed it immediately - and sent out some soldiers to exterminate Fresh Water. They came after her, caught her, and sent her to execution row. Just minutes before she was about to be executed, her friend Atmospheric Air broke her out by using her stun gun to break through the bars. Fresh Water and AA broke out and took the soonest plane out of EARTH-WIND-FIRE-WATER City.

_**14 YEARS LATER: 2019**_

Fresh Water's phone implant in her head was buzzing. It was quite annoying, really. She answered it, and collapsed after the first 10 seconds. Atmospheric Air had been struck by a street cleaner robot, and was in the ICU. The next day, after Fresh Water visited her in the ultra high tech hospital, AA passed out, lost her breathing robot, and died on the spot. Fresh Water mourned her loss, but decided to make the best of it. She decided to get a few hobbies. She rented out her body. She visited "bars". With all of the extra money, she bought a big house and started a corporation for the rights for women, which had been revoked in 2009 because some woman tried to run the country. Some woman called Hillary or something. Anyway, she made so much money that she started donating to organizations. Fresh Water, being 32, finally decided to marry after all of that donating to decide if men liked her for her money, or for herself. As she was passing down the street to go meet a guy she found on her computer-house control system-news-TV gadget she had in her pocket, she saw no one else but old and frail Hillary. They exchanged hellos, and then Fresh Water proceeded to knock her teeth out for getting women's rights revoked. She did more than that to her, sadly (wink). She set off a reaction in Hillary's brain, and all of the blood came out of Hillary's mouth instead of going to her heart. The police robots came to arrest her immediately, and hauled her off to jail. She was charged with murder, political charges, and for being on the street without a veil. While in jail, she met a guy. Nine months later, she had Julia!. Julia! was an extraordinary baby, with an IQ of 196.33333333333333. The CPS came and of course messed everything up for Julia!, but later she was able to escape their clutches and get out on her own with women's rights. But for Fresh Water, it was a different story. Now, when she was put in the line to be executed, there was no one to break her out. At first it was 9 months until execution. Fresh Water cried herself to sleep at night, and tried to cut herself during the day, just to be stopped by the over anxious to touch a female guards. As the time dwindled down to 3 months, her crying stopped and was replaced with a numbness; her desire to live quelled by jail and propaganda. She passed her time by watching the news and eating good food. At 301 pounds, she was getting ready to be executed because of all the weight. She could hardly walk now. -- With 1 month to go, Fresh Water started feeling happy about being executed. She didn't know what the other side of life would be like, but she was certain that it would certainly be better than her predicament at hand. -- With 6 hours left, Fresh Water watched the news for a final time. Suddenly, a important announcement broke through the dull atmosphere of the compound. On January 1st, 2020, women's rights had been restored. She watched the celebrations for 5 hours and 20 minutes, then was led away to recieve the death sentence. In the room, there was a nice bright white light. She lay on the bed, and then decided to go to sleep in order to escape the agony of watching herself die. Too late though. The nurse came in, polished her needle, asked Fresh Water if she believed in the Lord God, which FW immediately announced that she did not, and injected her. -- The last few minutes were exhilerating. She had the usual flashback of her life, and saw blackness tugging at the edges of her eyes. She held the nurse's hand, and slipped away...


	7. Chapter 7

Harry Potter and the Miraculous Stork

Chapter 7: 2025

Julia! was woken up abruptly by her street-friend Marco. The police were after them again.

"Why do we have to live this every day, Marco?" Julia! wondered.

"Well, maybe it's because we're 6 years old and have broken almost every law in the book! Gosh, Julia!, when will you ever understand?" Marco turned his back on Julia! and tore down the alley, away from the police on hover-bikes rapidly closing in on her.

"Marco, wait! I need protection, and you're the only one I've got!" Unfortunately, these looked like the last words of Julia!, as the police surrounded her and aimed their laser-pistols at her.

"Hands up, little girl! Get down on your knees!" Suddenly, the suspense of her arrest was broken when Marco rushed in with his Stinge® missile launcher. This weapon was feared all around the police community, and the police immediately left the premises. But it was too late for one of the cops. One of the missiles hit the ground right next to his hover-bike and flipped him and the bike over.

"Come on, Julia! Flip the hover-bike over! I'll take care of the cop." Marco tied him up and onto the bike and tore off with Julia!. They took him to one of the demilitarized zones in the city and left him there.

"Well, Marco, what shall we do now? Should we go home to our alleyways and box houses or find new adventures? I'm tired of running from the police every single day. Eventually they'll trump us with something!" Julia! raved.

Marco answered calmly, "Julia! Julia!. Quit it! You sound like one of the Wallers (Rich people on the other side of the hobo wall who always complained)! Let's just pull onto the side and think about it for a moment." The duo pulled onto the side of the road, but as soon as they did, they realized that they had made a grave mistake.

"Marco, do you see movement?" Julia! asked with a quiver in her voice. She had seen what looked like a circle of dirt, shrubs and pavement move toward her.

"Crap. It's the Camos." (A notorious gang known for blending into a circle of surroundings and then opening fire on their victims.) Marco whipped out his Stinge and yelled, "Stanbfff!" A Camo had jumped up and thrown his hand over Marco's mouth and pointed at the dozens of hover-bikes in the distance with armed police riding them and patrolling the zone.

"Shut up! Do you want us to all be killed?! We're trying to ambush a police convoy. They're transporting our leader to prison in an hour." The Camo explained. "We're sorry we surrounded you, but we thought you were a really brave cop. I'm Slit, because I'm the best at slitting the throats of our enemies. What are your names?" Slit asked.

"I'm Marco, and this is Julia!. We're 6 and we always have to run..." Marco was suddenly interrupted by Julia!.

"What Marco means is we've done a couple kind of bad things." Julia! hastily told the Camos, for fear of being thrown out to the police as decoys.

Slit then began to tell Marco and Julia! about their plan to get their leader back.

"Okay guys. So we're going to blend in around all the police and silently put C4 on their hover-bikes, one for every 3. Then we'll shoot a few and blow them up right before the armored car comes. Unfortunately, before you guys came, we were going to have to stand in front of the car and risk getting crushed. But now, with your Stinge, we can flip it onto its side and rescue our fearless leader."

"Whoa, wait a minute! Who said you guys could use my Stinge?" Marco looked trapped.

"Do you really want to ask that question, Marco? Slit questioned.

"Well, I guess you guys can use it."

The plan began and was like clockwork. The Camos surrounded the 50 cops and stuck C4 onto their hover-bikes with plenty of time to spare. But then, everything hit a snag. What had seemed like 10 minutes of free time to plant C4 was actually 5, which was 3 minutes too short. The car would be coming in 2 minutes and they needed 5 more minutes. So the gang decided to improvise. They set up portable sniper rifles – one for every 2 cops – in the distance and got ready. With 30 seconds, the fireworks began. 2 of the bombs went off, but 4 more stayed silent. A couple of shots with the snipers and they went off just as fast as the first ones. The front-line Camos opened fire with laser-rifles and took down 12 cops. The bombs wiped 18 off the face of the earth. The snipers eliminated 6 police and made room for the Camos to get a clear shot at the car, which was coming, with the Stinge.

"Give me the Stinge!" Slit screamed. He grabbed it and ran to the front, where other Camos were covering for him, and took aim. But aim was on him, too, and a little red dot turned into a hole through his head, which left him with no shot, the car turning the corner and getting away, 2 other Camos shot, and him dead.

"NOOOO!" Julia!, who had started to really like Slit, did a primal yell, grabbed a laser rifle, and expertly cut the remaining cops down.

Marco rushed to Julia's! side and began to comfort her, but she pushed herself away from him and ran to help with the 2 wounded Camos.

"I think that this ambush has officially failed," said the lieutenant leader of the Camos. All of the other members of the group began to grumble, too, and somehow got it into their heads that it was Julia! and

Marco's fault for the failure of the mission.

"I'm starting to get an uneasy feeling about this, Marco," Julia (who has now had her exclamation point taken away) said.

"Yeah, me too," Marco put in. "I think that with Slit gone, now we have no protection." Marco and Julia helplessly watched as the Camos slowly closed in on them and pulled out their laser-pistols.

"Take aim," the lieutenant leader said. All of the Camos readied their weapons and aimed them at the wide-eyed pair of friends.

Then, right before the lieutenant said the final command, Marco nudged Julia and handed her an automatic weapon. "If it comes to it," Marco whispered.

"It's come to it!" Julia whispered, and then whipped out her weapon and opened fire on her half of the group, and then ducked down from a flurry of laser bullets, which struck the opposite Camo members of them. This firefight, within the first few seconds, left 8 people dead, which was 80 percent of the group. The 2 Camos left not wounded or dead put their hands up and dropped their weapons at the forceful request of Marco. Julia started to cry at all the people she had affected just in one night, most of them ending up not in their regular state before.

"I say we kill 'em," Marco said to Julia. "They wanted to kill us, and it's an eye for an eye out there in this cruel Nazi world we live in.

"NO! Stop the bloodshed! I can't stand anymore blood spilled on our native ground. It's just too much." Julia had finally broken down from her hardened self and went to tend to the 3 wounded Camos. Marco decided to still get those 2 untouched ones back though, but he wasn't going to tell Julia. _She doesn't need to know about it_, Marco thought. He tied the 2 up and put a watch on them that would explode in 2 hours with a deadly blast of shrapnel. _That'll get 'em_ thought Marco deviously.

"Okay, Julia, let's go! I want to get around the hobo wall and 'acquire' some supplies from the rich people's houses." Marco began to hurry over to the hover-bike and quickly started it as soon as he got on. _That's kind of strange, _Julia wondered. _He's doing things too quickly._ Julia hurried to match his pace and threw herself onto the bike. She hadn't even finished getting on when Marco revved the engine and gunned it towards the wall. _All right, now that was definitely strange. I almost fell of this bike. He's never this rude to me. I'm going to ask him what the deal is._

"Marco, what is with you? You are rushing everything! It's like a bomb is gonna' go off really soon." Julia, half-joking and half-serious, asked.

"You have _no_ idea," Marco exclaimed, as the two rode off into the darkness.

Julia, not knowing what to do in the situation, decided to laugh, but secretly guessing it had something to do with a real bomb.

**30 MINUTES PASS**

"Well, we're here!" Marco jumped off the bike and let Julia get off before taking it into a pawn shop and selling it for 1000.

"That was a total rip-off, Marco Valasquez, and you know it! That guy should have easily paid you 5 for it." Julia said.

"I know, but we need the money to get supplies for our trip over the wall." Marco, agitated, said. They looked up at the wall they would have to scale, blast through, or go under. They began to weigh the options.

"Well, it's 20 feet tall and 6 feet thick, so I don't think we'll be going over or through it. So that leaves going under it. Let's go get some shovels and a few sticks of dynamite off of the black market.

**1 HOUR PASSES**

Marco and Julia sat in their jail cell and sighed deeply. Some of the escaped police from the failed ambush had reported the Camos and their associates. When they had gone to buy their equipment, even at the black market, there were police there. They had caught the pair when they were buying sticks of dynamite and dragged them to their headquarters, which required a trip through the wall to the other side for questioning and possible detainment. Only the bigger offenses were located on the Other Side – and that was very rare.

"Stop touching me!" Julia smacked the burly police officer restraining her in the face and pushed herself away from him. When he tried to retaliate, Marco stepped on by kicking him in the face and knocking him unconscious. Finally, after the long ride there and multiple security checks by the police, they arrived at police headquarters. The police officer shoved Marco and Julia out of the car and into the building, where they found a clean-shaven, tall man waiting for them.

"Julia?!" The man screamed. "I thought I lost you years ago in the fire!"

"Who _are_ you?" Julia questioned.

"I...am...your...papa!" The man ominously muttered.

AAH! FIND OUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!


End file.
